I had the goal of maintaining this blog as my flowers continue to grow and bloom. Unfortunately I underestimated how much time it takes to nurture and tend to young flowers. With that said. They are a year now! I know time really flies and boy has it been a journey. It would be impossible to take you through the journey the last year has been in detail. I wouldn’t be able to do it justice. I will however, give a snapshot of the year and a few highlights. Then we can just move forward.
The last year was filled with sleepless night, teary days and budding joy. Being a mommy of twins is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. Our first week home was one of the roughest. I was recovering from both a vaginal delivery and a c-section. Yes – I had what they call the “Double Whammy”. – Yeah, that was definitely not a part of the plan. Needless to say, things happen and you are forced to adjust. This seems to be a reoccurring life lesson. I was physically in pain and mentally trying to figure out what the heck was going on! They says its the baby blues - I say its worst than the worst PMS you could ever think of. Now imagine this with topped with sleep deprivation. Oh yeah and lets not forget the psycho dreams. Ha - talk about funny. While we were going through all this, Our little girls were beginning to sprout. They were beautiful and after a long day filled with all of the above, you couldn't help but look at them and smile. Our little miracles made it! All things are possible and most things are temporary. The motivation of knowing "this too shall pass" caused us to remember to savour each moment because time was moving and moving quickly.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Secret, Saunas, Showers and wine tasting?!
The plan was set, the car was packed, I was ready to go. I'm always up for a good challenge and this was definitely going to be a weekend to remember.
My mom decided to ride down with me and I was thrilled to have a car companion. It was a pleasant ride with no traffic. We stopped at the cheesecake factory to have lunch and finally worked our way to my Aunt and Uncle's house. By the time we got there I was EXHAUSTED!!! Eeek?! What to do? Focus - remember the plan.
I played it cool and asked if I could lay down for a while, the drive was long and my lunch didn't seem to be sitting to well. No one seemed phased. Phew....first test passed!
When everyone else arrived we left to head to where we would be holding the bachelorette festivities. When we got there, I realized everyone had a ton of stuff and we had to unload the car. Now this was a problem this was the part of the plan that we forgot. I had to get my own stuff in the house, but I wasn't supposed to lift anything. I couldn't really ask for help because everyone had their own bags to carry. Trying not to draw attention to myself I slowly began bringing my stuff in the house praying that it wouldn't hurt me. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I went to the bathroom to catch my breath and shed a few tears. When I looked down I realized I was spotting. Now I was seriously freaking out. I couldn't keep this a secret. I had to do what was best for me.
I found one of cousins and whispered "I'm pregnant" and then burst into tears. She's estatic, I'm bawling. How was I going to make it through the weekend?! She looked at me, gave me a huge hug and promised everything would be okay.
Everyone thought I was just under the weather (Oddly enough I had a runny nose that only helped my story). The plan for the evening was a night on the town dancing. It was 9:00 PM and past my bedtime. My cousin convinced me to stay in and rest while the rest of the girls went out and had a memorable time.
Day two: Spa day and wine tasting - Anyone else see the problem here?! I couldn't do either. At the spa they had a "sleep room". While everyone was enjoying the saunas and steam rooms I was asleep on a mat in a warm room
Wine tasting, thankfully was given back where we were staying and hosted by another cousin playing somolier. Continuing with my story of an upset stomach I asked for another glass, tasted the wine and spit it out after every taste. So like President Clinton said he never inhaled.....I never swallowed lol.
We spent the night playing games and laughing making memories that will last us a lifetime. The tough part was over. The next day was the shower which went off without a hitch! I survived....hopefully my secret did too!
My mom decided to ride down with me and I was thrilled to have a car companion. It was a pleasant ride with no traffic. We stopped at the cheesecake factory to have lunch and finally worked our way to my Aunt and Uncle's house. By the time we got there I was EXHAUSTED!!! Eeek?! What to do? Focus - remember the plan.
I played it cool and asked if I could lay down for a while, the drive was long and my lunch didn't seem to be sitting to well. No one seemed phased. Phew....first test passed!
When everyone else arrived we left to head to where we would be holding the bachelorette festivities. When we got there, I realized everyone had a ton of stuff and we had to unload the car. Now this was a problem this was the part of the plan that we forgot. I had to get my own stuff in the house, but I wasn't supposed to lift anything. I couldn't really ask for help because everyone had their own bags to carry. Trying not to draw attention to myself I slowly began bringing my stuff in the house praying that it wouldn't hurt me. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I went to the bathroom to catch my breath and shed a few tears. When I looked down I realized I was spotting. Now I was seriously freaking out. I couldn't keep this a secret. I had to do what was best for me.
I found one of cousins and whispered "I'm pregnant" and then burst into tears. She's estatic, I'm bawling. How was I going to make it through the weekend?! She looked at me, gave me a huge hug and promised everything would be okay.
Everyone thought I was just under the weather (Oddly enough I had a runny nose that only helped my story). The plan for the evening was a night on the town dancing. It was 9:00 PM and past my bedtime. My cousin convinced me to stay in and rest while the rest of the girls went out and had a memorable time.
Day two: Spa day and wine tasting - Anyone else see the problem here?! I couldn't do either. At the spa they had a "sleep room". While everyone was enjoying the saunas and steam rooms I was asleep on a mat in a warm room
Wine tasting, thankfully was given back where we were staying and hosted by another cousin playing somolier. Continuing with my story of an upset stomach I asked for another glass, tasted the wine and spit it out after every taste. So like President Clinton said he never inhaled.....I never swallowed lol.
We spent the night playing games and laughing making memories that will last us a lifetime. The tough part was over. The next day was the shower which went off without a hitch! I survived....hopefully my secret did too!
Friday, December 23, 2011
I got work to do!
I had just received the greatest news ever! I was going to be a mommy. I was on cloud nine. Everyday I woke up thanking God for the life in my belly. I was excited to start to "feel pregnant". It made it seem more real. I always wondered what morning sickness and being extra tired felt like....crazy right?! But that's how bad I wanted to be a mom and it was FINALLY happening!
Well just as I started to "feel pregnant" I had to journey down to VA to play my role as Matron of Honor for my cousin and best friend's bachelorette party and bridal shower. We spent months planning and the weekend was finally here. This would be the first time away from my husband since I had gotten the good news. Remember now, we decided to wait until the end of the first trimester before we told anyone (parents included). The end of the first trimester was a good 7 weeks away. How was I going to get through this weekend without telling a soul?!
My husband and I had a plan. He loaded up the car for me, I had a ton of stuff, air mattress, gifts, decorations, clothes, etc. He packed snacks, crackers and ginger ale. We agreed on a strategy to deflect any attention away from me. If asked I would tell people I simply wasn't feeling well, maybe it was a bug or something.
I was nervous, but equipped with a strategy. I was ready! If I was able to pull this off, I knew it would make for a great story!
Well just as I started to "feel pregnant" I had to journey down to VA to play my role as Matron of Honor for my cousin and best friend's bachelorette party and bridal shower. We spent months planning and the weekend was finally here. This would be the first time away from my husband since I had gotten the good news. Remember now, we decided to wait until the end of the first trimester before we told anyone (parents included). The end of the first trimester was a good 7 weeks away. How was I going to get through this weekend without telling a soul?!
My husband and I had a plan. He loaded up the car for me, I had a ton of stuff, air mattress, gifts, decorations, clothes, etc. He packed snacks, crackers and ginger ale. We agreed on a strategy to deflect any attention away from me. If asked I would tell people I simply wasn't feeling well, maybe it was a bug or something.
I was nervous, but equipped with a strategy. I was ready! If I was able to pull this off, I knew it would make for a great story!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Our little secret
As mentioned no one knew that we were doing another cycle. This time the plan was to wait before we started telling people. It was hard to contain such good news. We wanted to get further into the pregnancy to avoid being disappointed ourselves or disappointing others. The rule of thumb is waiting until the end of the first trimester before you start telling people because there is a drastic decrease in the risk of miscarriage.
There are a lot risks in early pregnancy. At any moment something could go wrong. It's a really strange time because you obviously don't look pregnant and you don't necessarily feel pregnant and it top it off....no one knows (unless you tell them). For the first few weeks we were super careful, making sure to plan out activities and to avoid anything that might cause a loss of the pregnancy. It was pretty easy, no one seemed to notice the minor changes in behavior. Our plan seemed to be working. We were going to wait until the end of the first trimester to share the good news
Then around 5 weeks I started "feeling pregnant". I was really tired all the time. I started going to bed earlier and taking naps. The journey had definitely begun. It was our little secret, but not for long.
There are a lot risks in early pregnancy. At any moment something could go wrong. It's a really strange time because you obviously don't look pregnant and you don't necessarily feel pregnant and it top it off....no one knows (unless you tell them). For the first few weeks we were super careful, making sure to plan out activities and to avoid anything that might cause a loss of the pregnancy. It was pretty easy, no one seemed to notice the minor changes in behavior. Our plan seemed to be working. We were going to wait until the end of the first trimester to share the good news
Then around 5 weeks I started "feeling pregnant". I was really tired all the time. I started going to bed earlier and taking naps. The journey had definitely begun. It was our little secret, but not for long.
The Call
I went to the office at 7 AM the morning of the end of the two week wait. I was excited, nervous, anxious and every other possible emotion you could think of (remember my hormone levels were still kinda wacky LOL). I returned home hoping they would call sooner rather than later. I tried to distract myself, but my mind was racing. What if they say that I'm not pregnant...AGAIN? How will I react? What will I do? I told God I would be okay...but was that the truth? Obviously if they say I'm pregnant I'll be ecstatic, but I don't want to go there....remember what happened the last time.
I sat, I cried, I tried relaxation techniques, I prayed, but nothing could get rid of the knot in my chest. Around 9 AM my cell phone rang. It was the office. I took a deep breath. Trying to sound as calm as possible I said hello?
The voice on the other end was not the doctor. It was one of my favorite nurses. She said my name with exuberance....I still wouldn't allow myself to get excited. And then she said the words that my heart new was possible but my mind needed to hear. YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!! She continues to tell me that my HCG levels were super high (The higher the better) and while typically the Doctor calls patients with the results she asked if she could deliver the good news herself.
Tears streamed down my face. God is so good!!! This was His timing. Sometimes we face challenges that seem impossible to overcome. I truly believe there is always a lesson to be learned. I learned to be even more thankful. Thankful that God saw fit to bless my husband and I.
I called my husband at work still crying to share the good news. It was our little secret. Our seeds were planted and now it was time to watch them grow.
I sat, I cried, I tried relaxation techniques, I prayed, but nothing could get rid of the knot in my chest. Around 9 AM my cell phone rang. It was the office. I took a deep breath. Trying to sound as calm as possible I said hello?
The voice on the other end was not the doctor. It was one of my favorite nurses. She said my name with exuberance....I still wouldn't allow myself to get excited. And then she said the words that my heart new was possible but my mind needed to hear. YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!! She continues to tell me that my HCG levels were super high (The higher the better) and while typically the Doctor calls patients with the results she asked if she could deliver the good news herself.
Tears streamed down my face. God is so good!!! This was His timing. Sometimes we face challenges that seem impossible to overcome. I truly believe there is always a lesson to be learned. I learned to be even more thankful. Thankful that God saw fit to bless my husband and I.
I called my husband at work still crying to share the good news. It was our little secret. Our seeds were planted and now it was time to watch them grow.
Waiting...AGAIN
There is one part of this process that never gets any easier regardless of how many times you've done it. The two week wait is simply unavoidable. It is possibly one of the most mentally challenging parts of the process. You are still taking medication on a daily basis. You question every change in your body and basically, there is nothing you can do about it.
As a refresher, after the frozen transfer you have to wait for two weeks to find out if you are pregnant or not. So for two weeks there are no doctor visits and honestly no real way of telling if you're pregnant or not. Many of the symptoms that you may feel can simply be from the progesterone cause your hormones are all over the place. Some women may take drug store pregnancy test. I considered it, but those tests are not as effective as blood tests and didn't want to further add to my anxiety.
I try to be a positive person, but I couldn't help but expect the best and plan for the worst. I was so scared that there would be a repeat of what happened before.
I did a lot of praying during those two weeks. I let God know that I knew He had a plan for me and if this wasn't my time that I would be okay.
Finally the day came and the wait was over!
As a refresher, after the frozen transfer you have to wait for two weeks to find out if you are pregnant or not. So for two weeks there are no doctor visits and honestly no real way of telling if you're pregnant or not. Many of the symptoms that you may feel can simply be from the progesterone cause your hormones are all over the place. Some women may take drug store pregnancy test. I considered it, but those tests are not as effective as blood tests and didn't want to further add to my anxiety.
I try to be a positive person, but I couldn't help but expect the best and plan for the worst. I was so scared that there would be a repeat of what happened before.
I did a lot of praying during those two weeks. I let God know that I knew He had a plan for me and if this wasn't my time that I would be okay.
Finally the day came and the wait was over!
So what's been going on......
Well we decided to take a little break from IVF. It's a very involved process. Many woman choose to start a new cycle after a failed cycle, we felt it best to wait. I needed to refuel mentally. Initially I thought I was ready to jump back in the swing of things right away, but after taking a break I appreciated our rationale. We took time to simply relax. The most important thing was avoiding stress and staying calm. We took a few days and went away to just be alone. We had one of the best couple massages imaginable. Once the trip was over we returned to the doctor and started a new frozen cycle.
It was less involved compared to a fresh cycle. The trips to the office were weekly rather than daily. It felt less stressful having "gone through the process" already. The nurses and staff were so excited to have us back. Everyone was positive that this time we were going to be successful!
Although my heart was set on success my mind was still cluttered with the reality that there was a chance this time would not work either. I really had to focus on rebuilding my faith (Full Assurance In The Heart), knowing that success was attainable.
It wasn't an easy ride. This time we decided not to share what we were doing with anyone (hence why I am only now posting this entry). I had a few challenges with progesterone and had to flip flop between injections and suppositories. It was draining mentally but thank God I have a supportive husband who always knew the right thing to say when I felt like giving up.
On July 31st we went in for the frozen transfer of two embryos....
It was less involved compared to a fresh cycle. The trips to the office were weekly rather than daily. It felt less stressful having "gone through the process" already. The nurses and staff were so excited to have us back. Everyone was positive that this time we were going to be successful!
Although my heart was set on success my mind was still cluttered with the reality that there was a chance this time would not work either. I really had to focus on rebuilding my faith (Full Assurance In The Heart), knowing that success was attainable.
It wasn't an easy ride. This time we decided not to share what we were doing with anyone (hence why I am only now posting this entry). I had a few challenges with progesterone and had to flip flop between injections and suppositories. It was draining mentally but thank God I have a supportive husband who always knew the right thing to say when I felt like giving up.
On July 31st we went in for the frozen transfer of two embryos....
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