Be a name not a number...or just be a really big number

I recently read some advice on an IVF blog that encouraged patients to get to know the staff and get the staff to know you. Its true they have lots of patients coming in and out of the office on a daily basis and while most of the staff are cordial to them you are just another person coming in to get help getting knocked up (excuse me for being crass...but its the truth). Its important to make a connection. These people, the doctors, nurses, technicians and staff will be all up in your business for the duration of the process. You think going to the OBGYN is uncomfortable! Imagine getting blood work and  a transvaginal ultrasound everyday for a week and a half! It pays to be nice to the people who are drawing your blood and looking up your Hoo Ha! LOL It definitely makes the visits a bit less stressful when people smile at you and ask you questions about yourself, not just your estrogen levels.

Not to brag, but I try my best to be extra nice to people. It's just who I am. (It's also what I do for a living...I'm in sales so you kinda have to be nice all the time) I was raised to speak to people when I see them, say please and thank you and smile. On certain occasions when I have had to call the office I can hear the person on the other end of the phone smile when I state my name. The staff knows who I am. They know that I will be polite and that I'm not calling for every little thing.  Ok so I have to admit there are a couple reasons they know my name. The first would be because at my office they have group meetings where the doctors get together and discuss your case. They take a very collective approach. While you are assigned one Doctor, on any given day you will be working with one of their associates. Then there was the time I totally freaked out during the practice transfer....yeah I kinda think that's why everyone knows me LOL and then finally the lab knows me because they retrieved over 3 dozen eggs from me. So if they don't know my name...they do know me as the lady with the 41 eggs lol. Either way, I am known and based on my interaction...I'm liked too;)

Transfering Life

Today was the big day and what seemingly the final step of an IVF cycle. Transfer day! As mentioned in previous posts we had a lot for the lab to work with. Our appointment was at 11:30 this morning. We sign in sit down and the Embryologist comes to chat with us, verify who we are (They have very secure measures in place to ensure they don't transfer the wrong embryos into the wrong person) and show us a picture of the ones selected to be transferred. We have a picture!!!! A picture of what we created. Most people don't get an opportunity to see such an early stage of life. Many people argue that what is created in the lab is not life. I disagree. It's my life. It's my eggs, my husbands sperm and they have joined together to make something we could not have done as individuals. So i guess technically I am 1 day pregnant LOL. WOW  - its totally surreal. I know this is not the final step, we have to go back for the pregnancy test on 2/4 to confirm a positive pregnancy, but its still a living thing and its growing...actually there are two. I got caught up in my rant and forgot to mention that they transferred two embryos that had reached the Blastocysts stage. So it is likely that we will be proud parents of twins! What a blessing!

So now we wait....wait and pray.

It Takes Two

Obviously it takes two to tango and definitely to make a baby. So there is one person who literally is the other half of this equation. Without him this could not happen. I can't say enough about my wonderful, fantastic super terrific, loving caring husband! Or in IVF lingo my DH (Dear Husband - It took me forever to figure that one out!) He has been the BEST! It would be easy for some one to look at the IVF process and talk about all that the woman has to go through and say the husband (or to be politically correct - the partner) doesn't have to do anything but leave their "sample" (which some would say is not a hard part of the process, no pun intended). But its really more than that. My husband has held my hand every step of the way. He has listened intently to my fears, concerns and creative assumptions. He has lent his shoulder for me to cry on, gotten on bended knee in prayer, lifted me up when I was down and taken a couple beatings due to the overwhelming amount of hormones I'm taking. He is my rock. He's my best friend and there is no one else I would rather share this experience with. He has helped me to take everyday one step at a time. We laugh together, pray together have grown as individuals and as a couple. I am blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. I thank God for him everyday and I look forward to what the future holds!

Maybe its the hormones?!.......

So my initial reservation with IVF was all the medication....specifically the hormones. The extra hormones women generate during "that time of the month" can be difficult enough to deal with. LOL So the initial injections were ok. I felt fine and as I mentioned in a previous blog I have a great response. The doctors were concerned because I had super high estrogen levels. One of the nurses told many that many women tend to have "witchy" tendencies when their estrogen spikes. I was fine, matter fact, I was all smiles and rainbows! I have never felt so happy go lucky, it was slightly euphoric. I mean I think I'm a pretty nice person, but I was SUPER nice. The only downside was that I was a little emotional, everything made a cry. And when I did cry, it just felt so good lol.  It was great!.....Then they added progesterone. Lets just say things have changed slightly. I am still nice and I still cry (even more), but I've noticed that some really insignificant things upset me. Unfortunately the person who gets the raw end of the deal is my Dear Husband. Poor guy, has no idea this is just the beginning. We have really great communication so I try to apologize if I go off the hormonal deep end. He has been very understanding and I've promised him that I will try my best to channel all that 41 egg producing nice estrogen my body so lovingly had just a week ago :) 

T.M.I.

Before starting this process I was really nervous - scratch that, I was freaking scared out of my mind! I thought a way to overcome my fear (besides praying) would be to do a little research online and in person. I ended up worse off than I was when I started! I was bombarded with information many times sharing the worst case scenario. Ok- Yes, there is definitely some good information explaining the process.  However I was overwhelmed by the number of chat rooms and blogs and the IVF lingo that goes along with it. Clearly I understand that it is therapeutic for  people to write and share their experience with others. (Isn't that what I'm doing here?!) It was just an overwhelming experience. Especially when women talked about their struggles, failed cycles and painful procedures - NOT what I want to hear right before I sign up for the ride! I don't think I'm alone in wanting to have a positive outlook. Believe me, I get it - IVF is a process, at any point along the way something may not go as planned and you might have to start over or take one step back. It has the potential of placing you on an emotional roller coaster  (extra estrogen definitely aids in this process). However, if all goes as planned you will be blessed with a beautiful healthy baby (or babies) which is the end result everyone hopes for, otherwise no one would be doing this! My whole thing is separate what you really Need to know from what is just Nice to know. 

Sunshine and Rain

You can't have all rain. You definitely need the warmth of the sun. I am so blessed to have so much sunshine in the form of friends, family and loved ones. They have let me cry through the tough times, responded with words of encouragement. Helped me laugh through fearful times and celebrated with me in the good times. These are people that I can call any time night or day and know that they will pray with me. That they are standing in agreement with me. Their sunshine helped to dry up my tears and replace sad faces with smiles and laughter. I don't have words to express how grateful and how blessed I am to have them in my life. They are not intrusive, they don't ask many questions, they are just there. I don't know what I would do without them.  I love you all so very much and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. May God bless you as you have been a blessing to me. Some people are put into your life for a season, some a lifetime.....I am glad that you have been with me through this season and beyond!

Why Rain?

I guess many of you have realized that my real name isn't Rain. So why would I choose a name that is so commonly associated with dreary dismal days? I feel that it is truly representative of this process. Finding out that you are unable to have children the conventional way is dismal. I cried a lot, however, through my tears I was able to see the blessing of IVF. There was a time when women were just considered barren. There was no other option for them. Thanks be to God, I had another option!

While most people hate when it rains, I love listening to the sound of pitter patter as it hits my skylights. I love the smell just before the first drop kisses the earth. I love the look of sun as it shines on the rain kissed earth. Most of all I love the fact that rain causes things to grow. Without rain, things dry out and die. So to me its a very fitting name.
I am growing as an individual and most importantly I am creating an environment where I will be able to love and nurture my children as they one day grow inside of me.