Censor

So it's been a while since I have written. It's been a busy week, but really there has been something else on my mind. Someone mentioned that they felt I should make my blog password protected. When they said it, I could feel the anger starting to rise. This is my story and I should feel free to share it with who I please. I felt as if they were trying to censor me. I took a week off (from writing) to process the conversation and this is my response:

I am fully aware that there are somethings that are private and not to be shared with everyone. But I also recognize that this is something that people don't talk about when they probably should. So many women are dealing with fertility issues or going through fertility treatments, more women than you think. They just don't talk about it. Not being able to conceive naturally is often seen as embarrassing. It can make you feel like you are less than a woman. This whole issue has had a very negative stigma attached to it since biblical times. Do you think Sarah really wanted Abraham to conceive a child with her maid? Umm....yeah not so much! As we progress as a culture the stigma associated with fertility issues has decreased, however, there is still a lack of intelligent and open conversation around the issue. So this is my way of sharing my journey in hopes that it might help someone else. This is my therapy as I continue to rebuild my womanhood. This is why I choose not to password protect my blog. I want to share with you what's going on with me. If you are a part of my inner circle these are things I may not share in conversation because it can be uncomfortable and awkward.  I have mentioned in earlier posts that I really wasn't interested in talking about it, but thank God I can write about it. This is my outlet. This is your way of knowing what's going on, it's my way of putting to ease your concern about me.

So lets take a look at my blog: If you know who I am, it's only because I sent the link to you and you know what's been going on with me. If you stumbled upon my blog randomly you think my name is Rain, because that's what it says in my profile. I have omitted all names (including my own) and including the fertility center we used. So this is technically an anonymous blog with no personal identification - translation....no password protection necessary. While I have shared parts of my experience, thoughts and inspirational words there is so much that I haven't shared. Those  personal things are handwritten in my journal which I keep to myself. I'm sure there are people who feel the opposite of the person who recommended password protection,  Why not share my identity? Isn't this about empowerment? Don't you want people to hear your story. Yes it is, and I do,  but honestly,  I am a private person and while I am neither ashamed nor embarrassed, I'm not quite ready to take that step.
I mean there are some days I want to reveal myself, do something bold like paste my blog in my Facebook status in hopes that someone will read it and feel a sense of hope. But I'm not there, not yet. And lets be honest, while most people have common sense there are a few that are complete idiots who don't think before they speak, ask ridiculously personal questions who are nosy and just want some good gossip. Once I am ready to deal with them, then maybe I'll publish a book about my life story:)

Until then, take this for what it is. My journey, my story, how I want to tell it. If you pass it on, please out of respect, just don't say it's me. I'm trying to help myself and what a blessing if I can help someone else in the process.