Be a name not a number...or just be a really big number

I recently read some advice on an IVF blog that encouraged patients to get to know the staff and get the staff to know you. Its true they have lots of patients coming in and out of the office on a daily basis and while most of the staff are cordial to them you are just another person coming in to get help getting knocked up (excuse me for being crass...but its the truth). Its important to make a connection. These people, the doctors, nurses, technicians and staff will be all up in your business for the duration of the process. You think going to the OBGYN is uncomfortable! Imagine getting blood work and  a transvaginal ultrasound everyday for a week and a half! It pays to be nice to the people who are drawing your blood and looking up your Hoo Ha! LOL It definitely makes the visits a bit less stressful when people smile at you and ask you questions about yourself, not just your estrogen levels.

Not to brag, but I try my best to be extra nice to people. It's just who I am. (It's also what I do for a living...I'm in sales so you kinda have to be nice all the time) I was raised to speak to people when I see them, say please and thank you and smile. On certain occasions when I have had to call the office I can hear the person on the other end of the phone smile when I state my name. The staff knows who I am. They know that I will be polite and that I'm not calling for every little thing.  Ok so I have to admit there are a couple reasons they know my name. The first would be because at my office they have group meetings where the doctors get together and discuss your case. They take a very collective approach. While you are assigned one Doctor, on any given day you will be working with one of their associates. Then there was the time I totally freaked out during the practice transfer....yeah I kinda think that's why everyone knows me LOL and then finally the lab knows me because they retrieved over 3 dozen eggs from me. So if they don't know my name...they do know me as the lady with the 41 eggs lol. Either way, I am known and based on my interaction...I'm liked too;)

Transfering Life

Today was the big day and what seemingly the final step of an IVF cycle. Transfer day! As mentioned in previous posts we had a lot for the lab to work with. Our appointment was at 11:30 this morning. We sign in sit down and the Embryologist comes to chat with us, verify who we are (They have very secure measures in place to ensure they don't transfer the wrong embryos into the wrong person) and show us a picture of the ones selected to be transferred. We have a picture!!!! A picture of what we created. Most people don't get an opportunity to see such an early stage of life. Many people argue that what is created in the lab is not life. I disagree. It's my life. It's my eggs, my husbands sperm and they have joined together to make something we could not have done as individuals. So i guess technically I am 1 day pregnant LOL. WOW  - its totally surreal. I know this is not the final step, we have to go back for the pregnancy test on 2/4 to confirm a positive pregnancy, but its still a living thing and its growing...actually there are two. I got caught up in my rant and forgot to mention that they transferred two embryos that had reached the Blastocysts stage. So it is likely that we will be proud parents of twins! What a blessing!

So now we wait....wait and pray.

It Takes Two

Obviously it takes two to tango and definitely to make a baby. So there is one person who literally is the other half of this equation. Without him this could not happen. I can't say enough about my wonderful, fantastic super terrific, loving caring husband! Or in IVF lingo my DH (Dear Husband - It took me forever to figure that one out!) He has been the BEST! It would be easy for some one to look at the IVF process and talk about all that the woman has to go through and say the husband (or to be politically correct - the partner) doesn't have to do anything but leave their "sample" (which some would say is not a hard part of the process, no pun intended). But its really more than that. My husband has held my hand every step of the way. He has listened intently to my fears, concerns and creative assumptions. He has lent his shoulder for me to cry on, gotten on bended knee in prayer, lifted me up when I was down and taken a couple beatings due to the overwhelming amount of hormones I'm taking. He is my rock. He's my best friend and there is no one else I would rather share this experience with. He has helped me to take everyday one step at a time. We laugh together, pray together have grown as individuals and as a couple. I am blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. I thank God for him everyday and I look forward to what the future holds!

Maybe its the hormones?!.......

So my initial reservation with IVF was all the medication....specifically the hormones. The extra hormones women generate during "that time of the month" can be difficult enough to deal with. LOL So the initial injections were ok. I felt fine and as I mentioned in a previous blog I have a great response. The doctors were concerned because I had super high estrogen levels. One of the nurses told many that many women tend to have "witchy" tendencies when their estrogen spikes. I was fine, matter fact, I was all smiles and rainbows! I have never felt so happy go lucky, it was slightly euphoric. I mean I think I'm a pretty nice person, but I was SUPER nice. The only downside was that I was a little emotional, everything made a cry. And when I did cry, it just felt so good lol.  It was great!.....Then they added progesterone. Lets just say things have changed slightly. I am still nice and I still cry (even more), but I've noticed that some really insignificant things upset me. Unfortunately the person who gets the raw end of the deal is my Dear Husband. Poor guy, has no idea this is just the beginning. We have really great communication so I try to apologize if I go off the hormonal deep end. He has been very understanding and I've promised him that I will try my best to channel all that 41 egg producing nice estrogen my body so lovingly had just a week ago :) 

T.M.I.

Before starting this process I was really nervous - scratch that, I was freaking scared out of my mind! I thought a way to overcome my fear (besides praying) would be to do a little research online and in person. I ended up worse off than I was when I started! I was bombarded with information many times sharing the worst case scenario. Ok- Yes, there is definitely some good information explaining the process.  However I was overwhelmed by the number of chat rooms and blogs and the IVF lingo that goes along with it. Clearly I understand that it is therapeutic for  people to write and share their experience with others. (Isn't that what I'm doing here?!) It was just an overwhelming experience. Especially when women talked about their struggles, failed cycles and painful procedures - NOT what I want to hear right before I sign up for the ride! I don't think I'm alone in wanting to have a positive outlook. Believe me, I get it - IVF is a process, at any point along the way something may not go as planned and you might have to start over or take one step back. It has the potential of placing you on an emotional roller coaster  (extra estrogen definitely aids in this process). However, if all goes as planned you will be blessed with a beautiful healthy baby (or babies) which is the end result everyone hopes for, otherwise no one would be doing this! My whole thing is separate what you really Need to know from what is just Nice to know. 

Sunshine and Rain

You can't have all rain. You definitely need the warmth of the sun. I am so blessed to have so much sunshine in the form of friends, family and loved ones. They have let me cry through the tough times, responded with words of encouragement. Helped me laugh through fearful times and celebrated with me in the good times. These are people that I can call any time night or day and know that they will pray with me. That they are standing in agreement with me. Their sunshine helped to dry up my tears and replace sad faces with smiles and laughter. I don't have words to express how grateful and how blessed I am to have them in my life. They are not intrusive, they don't ask many questions, they are just there. I don't know what I would do without them.  I love you all so very much and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. May God bless you as you have been a blessing to me. Some people are put into your life for a season, some a lifetime.....I am glad that you have been with me through this season and beyond!

Why Rain?

I guess many of you have realized that my real name isn't Rain. So why would I choose a name that is so commonly associated with dreary dismal days? I feel that it is truly representative of this process. Finding out that you are unable to have children the conventional way is dismal. I cried a lot, however, through my tears I was able to see the blessing of IVF. There was a time when women were just considered barren. There was no other option for them. Thanks be to God, I had another option!

While most people hate when it rains, I love listening to the sound of pitter patter as it hits my skylights. I love the smell just before the first drop kisses the earth. I love the look of sun as it shines on the rain kissed earth. Most of all I love the fact that rain causes things to grow. Without rain, things dry out and die. So to me its a very fitting name.
I am growing as an individual and most importantly I am creating an environment where I will be able to love and nurture my children as they one day grow inside of me.

Watching seeds grow

Unlike with real plants once you mix sperm with egg you can see which ones are fertilized within a 24 hour time period. We received a call today from the lab letting us know that we have 27 fertilized eggs. As the lab technician stated "They have a lot to work with". I was soooooo excited! We will have a 5 day transfer which will take place on Thursday. Now obviously they can't transfer all of the embryos, I think the max is three....I still wonder to this day how the heck someone approved Octo-mom an 8 embryo transfer! Over the next 5 days, the lab will watch our little seedlings grow. The cream of the crop will be selected and transferred back into me. The rest will be stored in the freezer for possible later use. In the mean time, I am to treat my body with care and start on my new meds, Cipro, Medrol, Estrace and Progeterone. Phase two lets go!!!

Cheaper by the Dozen(s)

Today was the beginning of the next step in our process. Egg retrieval day! I woke up this morning feeling crappy. My tummy was full of ready to be extracted follicles. We went in at 10 AM to get prepped and ready. They gave me some good narcotics and I was out like a light. The medication the anesthesiologist basically puts you to sleep, but you breathe on your own. When I woke up I remember hearing that they extracted 41 eggs! 41!!!!!!

The average number of eggs retrieved during this procedure depends upon the person, however my research online suggests its about 10-12. I produced 4 times as many! It definitely gives the lab a lot to work with, but it also puts me at risk for Ovarian Hyper stimulation.  I will have to monitor myself over the next few days to make sure that doesn't happen. Lets just say there is a lot more room in my belly and boy do I feel better!

The only tough part of the day was recovering from the anesthesia. I was a bit wobbly due to my blood pressure going up and down, however, after some ginger ale and crackers in my belly. I felt much better.

Overall today was a great day! My husband was a huge support and we had a lot of laughs about me being referred as "the girl with all the eggs" LOL No seriously....that's how the lab referred to me!

IVF is a very expensive process, especially the medication. I would definitely say we got our moneys worth!

When it rains....

On Saturday 1/8 I started the IVF cycle of medication I take Gonal F and Menapur. Normally they tell you that you will be on the meds for 7-10 days before they do an egg retrieval. I was on medication for 12 days. I began going to the doctor every other day for blood work. Around Thursday I began going to the doctor everyday around 7AM. They were starting to count and measure the number of follicles. So every morning I was up bright and early to pricked and prodded.

Apparently I was responding well to the medication which was great to hear! I was told I had good egg reserves so this would be a repetitively easy process. A few days in I started feeling really bloated and uncomfortable. This is normal with fertility medicine. My follicles were starting to grow and my body was trying to react to the number of eggs and the space they were taking up. Over several days I began to produce more and more eggs. The feedback I was getting from the doctors was that I had a lot of little follicles. I'm thinking this is great! I just didn't realize how many follicles they were talking about.

Sometimes after a good hard rain things begin to grow our hope is that flowers begin to bloom.

Fertilizer

I think most people enter into things without knowing the whole process even when they do research. Once you get the basic gist, you feel comfortable enough to move forward. That was my thought with the whole IVF process. I did a little research, felt good about my understanding of the process and decided to move forward. I knew I was going to have to take medicine, its a part of the process, but I was utterly SHOCKED when I picked up a shopping bag full of an assortment of pills, injections, extra needles and a sharps container! There was sooooo much. Drugs of all varieties and different delivery systems. It was overwhelming to say the least.

My husband and I went for IVF orientation where they go into more detail about the process and how to administer the medication. Simply put I was overwhelmed and a little scared. What if I make a mistake and take to much or too little? The medicine is VERY expensive and the last thing I wanted is to waste it. I realized, even though I was scared, it was something I had to do. Fertilizer helps things grow. This medicine was my fertilizer in more ways than one. I followed the directions and have successfully given myself shots for 12 days in a row! It's not even a big deal anymore. I grew as a person. I faced the challenge and overcame my fears. Go me! I learned I can do anything if I put my mind to it and I did!

Waiting for a miracle

I believe in miracles, do you? I'm a Christian and have heard many a sermon about God's miraculous power to help those who are hurting. I'm a believer. I know that God is capable of anything and everything, however, I also believe that He decides how a miracle is going to take place. He may do it one way for one person and a completely different way for another. It's that part that many people including myself have a tough time understanding. When I was told that I was unable to conceive children naturally, I asked God for a miracle. I wanted Him to just work things out so that things would just be easier. People around me told me to have faith, that God would make a way.

Each month I prayed and hoped that I would be pregnant. Each month I would get my period and find myself depressed, losing faith and utterly confused. How come you won't help me God? Why are you doing this to me? Why me? Finally I began to realize that God can work in more than one way. That just because I may have to go through treatment doesn't make Him any less miraculous or me any less faithless. I had to be patient, alert and willing to follow his voice. When I was able to get over the "woe is me attitude" I was able to see clearer. My Goal is to have children from my body. The way I get pregnant was insignificant. I learned that when we focus only on what we want, we can't always hear what God has planned for us. Not our will, but His. Once I understood that a Peace washed over me and I was ready to take the next step toward my goal!